Four years ago I opened a spreadsheet that completely changed the way I look at money.
Not because it made me rich overnight.
But because it forced me to face something I had been avoiding for years.
At the time, I wasn’t doing anything unusual. I was living the same way many people do — buying things throughout the month and carrying a balance that I would slowly pay down over time.
Nothing felt extreme about it.
Until I decided to actually look at the numbers.
So I opened a spreadsheet and started tracking every single purchase I made.
Not just what I spent.
But the interest those purchases were costing me.
Each month I calculated:
how much I was buying
how much interest I was paying
how much of the balance I was actually paying down
and how much I was carrying into the next month
Then I went one step further.
I calculated how many hours of my life I had to work just to pay the interest.
That part hit differently.
Because interest isn’t just money.
It’s time.
Hours of your life traded away for things you probably don’t even remember buying.
To understand my habits better, I broke my spending into categories.
Groceries.
Gas.
Bills.
Alcohol.
Fast food.
And then there was one category I named very honestly:
“Bullshit spending.”
This was for the girl laying on the couch scrolling…
seeing an ad…
getting curious…
opening Amazon…
…and then falling down the rabbit hole.
You go on Amazon for one thing.
An hour later you’re still scrolling.
The algorithm hooks you.
Your cart fills up.
And eventually you hit Buy Now.
Looking back now, I can say it plainly.
That girl was addicted.
Not to drugs.
Not to alcohol.
But to material things.
The dopamine of the purchase.
The feeling of “treating myself.”
The illusion that the next item might somehow make life feel more put together.
But the truth was…
I didn’t need more things.
I needed to clean my house.
I needed to go for a walk.
I needed to take better care of my health.
I needed to give my kids more of my attention.
I had absolutely zero business buying more stuff.
And yet my justification at the time was:
“Well… at least I’m not shopping at Walmart.”
That was my positive spin.
Looking back now it actually makes me laugh.
Because it was still the same habit… just dressed up differently.
So twice a month, every payday, I forced myself to sit down with that spreadsheet.
No judgment.
Just awareness.
At the same time I was working on improving my credit score, so there was a motivating factor behind it.
And the truth is, I wasn’t great with money.
But I also didn’t live with a scarcity mindset.
My belief was always that things somehow work out.
And in my experience, they usually did.
Every time I was in a tight spot, something unexpected would happen.
An opportunity.
A random solution.
A moment that felt almost like a miracle.
But I also started noticing something.
Those miracles seemed to arrive only when things got bad enough.
And I started wondering…
What would happen if I stopped relying on last-minute miracles…
and started becoming intentional instead?
That spreadsheet didn’t fix my finances overnight.
What it did give me was something far more powerful.
Awareness.
And once you become aware of where your time, money, and energy are going…
it becomes almost impossible to keep living the same way.